My Best Friend Made Me Do It

Here...

2005-08-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

I'm posting just to be posting. Not happy with self. Not in a good space at the moment. Not much to tell. I'll tell more about Vegas later. It was awesome, but now is not a good time to talk about anything. Just wanted whoever is out there that reads this to know that I didn't fergit that I have this thing. I'm just not as motivated to post that much. Crappy weekend. Crappy day. Can't wait to get back on those meds. Hate the idea of meds but they sure do even things out sometimes. Dealing with life is crap right now.

Later.

WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, wha-had-happened-wuz........................

We went out for fast food, like any other tummy-grumble moment before work at the bar. We were offered some postcards to fill out for a free trip, we filled them out like we fill out TONS of those little cards each month, ate our food and went on with our night.

Well, about 3-4 weeks later, MJ got a phone call from a lady claiming she was from Z107.7/Clear Channel Entertainment, "claiming" that we had won a trip to Vegas. MJ cleared the crumbs from her eyes (and ears) and simply said, "huh??" The lady then proceeded to ask MJ if she remembered filling out a card for the trip, to which MJ replied, "uh, yeah??" The lady confidently replied, "Well, YOU WON!" ...*silence*... MJ: "Excuse me??" This conversation went on, so I'm told, for a few minutes until MJ was sure the lady was telling the truth. She then called me to fill me in, and she must have forgotten to ask me to sit down, because my knees buckled and I started squealing like a straight girl. "What?? HUH?? FOR REAL???" Then of course, I did the happy-yay-we're-goin-to-Vegas dance.

Wow, it's still hard to believe we're really going, and it's a little surreal, which I'm sure will break when we land and see our first slot machine in the airport! Jeez, in the AIRPORT?! Crazy. Anyway, we're "planning" to do stuff like go to the Mirage and see the white tiger habitat, garden, aquarium, and dolphin habitat, and we want to ride crazy insane roller coasters at CircusCircus, The Stratosphere, and one of those other casinos with rides... Hey, you never know-- our entire vacation very well could be spent between the room, casino, buffet, and the POOL. Who needs the strip, when we can strip our tight clothes off our buffet-filled bellies, squeeze into our swimming suits that used to fit when we got there, only to STRIP them off and go to sleep? Hey, sounds like a plan.... (hee hee) MJ really wants to see the tiggers, I really want to see the dolphins (and the tiggers) and we REALLY want to visit Slots-O-Fun!!! I heard they have HELLA penny slots!! Yay! Oh, and of COURSE we have to go to Coyote Ugly. *giggle* Rowr!! ;)

So, that's what I have to make up for all the time I haven't made an entry. See, this way, I HAVE to tell all about my trip! Along with pictures, of course.

Peace,
Nia

I heard they have creams to clear that right up...

2005-07-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

I-guana know what love is...... :)

I do, and her name is Lala.

2005-05-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Jafar!!!

The Great [Intentional] Escape - Part I

2005-05-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

THE GREAT [INTENTIONAL] ESCAPE – Part 1

MJ and I left the city around 1:00PM, picking up homemade sourdough bread from Grandma along the way. You can never stay at Grandma’s less than 30-60 minutes, so we had a seat and looked through a Goodwill box that Grandma had prepared. She had to make sure there was nothing sent away that we would have wanted, so we fumbled through the treasure and picked a few items: A gorgeous white lace shawl, a purple/white doily, a small cedar keepsake box, and a red Asian-patterned shawl that could be used to cover a small end table or some other decorative purpose.

To my delight, Grandma’s cat, Sunny, who is usually hidden and is not very approachable, sauntered into the entrance to the living room to rub her chin on the doorframe. She looked directly at me as I used my cartoonish little cat voice to greet her. Sunny walked DIRECTLY over to me!! She rubbed her chin on my hand and purred and let out short, happy mews. I was beside myself!! :)

We visited Grandma a few more minutes, and we also greeted Grandpa, who was in the kitchen, griping sweetly about Grandma’s potato-cakes-gone-wrong. He said he saw how much work she put into them, but they just didn’t quite happen. It was so cute. We said bye to both of them and we were on our way.

We fueled up, and got ON THE ROAD!!!

Heading out Hwy. 44 West, we anxiously awaited the PLBP – the Point of Lower Blood Pressure. It usually occurs just past Hwy. 109, or just past Six Flags, after we ooh and aahh at the rides that we love. From then on, it’s 70 MPH, trees and rolling hills, and a few ornery semi drivers. We then pass St. Clair; totally forget to read the signs after that, until we reach Stanton, and the exit for Meramec Caverns. We hang a left, and then try to settle the butterflies in our bellies, since we know what lies at the peak of the next small hill…

THE EXOTIC ANIMAL AND REPTILE RANCH!!!!!!!!

Whooooooo!!! It has to be one of the best-kept secrets! We found our guide, Steve, paid the nominal fees, and hiked off to visit the alligators. They were beautiful, looking almost like gray stone statues basking in the sun. They didn’t even move a muscle aside from a half-open curious eye just to see what we were doing. We then passed chickens, pygmy goats, and tortoises on the right, then we looked to the left and all time stood still. Walking down the hill in a large enclosure was a picture of beauty unlike most: The lovely Jasmine, a 2 year old, 300-400 pound Bengal tiger. In the background, basking on his rock, lay the regal Jafar-- all 2 years and 500 pounds of him. WOW. We watched the trainer pull a milk jug on a string in front of Jasmine and she jumped and rolled like a giant house cat. Jafar got up to join the fun and decided he wanted to keep the milk jug. Needless to say, that was the end of playtime. Just like a big baby-kitty…

The next few enclosures and cages housed woodchucks, opossums, Arctic foxes, turkeys, and emus. One of the emus is particularly affectionate, so we had to, pause, give her some scratches and lovins, and take a picture. We then stopped to rub the belly on a dog, gaze at a gorgeous silver rabbit, and laugh again at the tiggers goofing off with the trainers.

The next large enclosure holds the majestic KING OF THE… well, it used to be the couch in the owner’s living room… now it’s more like the outside kitty playpen. Leo is a 6 year old, 900+ pound LION, who’s pretty sure he’s an 8 pound faded red tabby. I met Leo about 3 years ago when I started visiting the ranch. I was able to pet him, hear him purr up close, play with him up against the fence, and just relish the time that I was so honored to spend with this incredible beast. Leo was a rescued baby, raised by the owners of the ranch, so they fed him with a bottle and let him sleep in the bed. He grew up with all the dogs and cats of the household, hence his playful, oblivious nature. He rose from his lazy position to his curious, bright-eyed, greeting posture, and rubbed his chin back and forth against the fence. (I’m tellin’ ya: Overgrown housecat) Steve was cool enough to let us sneak through the outer fence so we could touch him again, since USDA will no longer allow the contact with the public. But hey, I’m an old friend, right? I’m beyond the public! :)

After watching Leo have a goofy moment, sticking only his right rear leg into his tire swing and standing there, as if to say, “Look at me! I can stick only my right rear leg into my tire swing! Sweet!” we then ventured to my second-favorite part of the facility: THE REPTILE WING!! I don’t know what it is about those scaly, cold-blooded, slinky creatures, but they intrigue me like the dickens! We met up with reptile-dude Todd, and he took us through. They had three alligator snapping turtles, and one of them is estimated to be 150-200 years old!! They call him Ivan, since he was acquired during the hurricane, and a lady was feeding him carrots (using a VERY long pair of forceps). To our surprise, Ivan was sooo gentle!! Then again, I guess I would move pretty slowly at 200 years old, too.

We also watched Todd wrassle a Western Diamondback Rattler, who was a little pissy when he removed the lid to the plastic container. But they successfully moved the snake to his habitat, and of course he rattled like crazy for about 5 minutes until he settled down into his house. We then took pictures with a baby alligator, young Burmese python (maybe 6 feet long), and a white corn snake. Of course we had to ogle at the gorgeous (yet small) male green iguana in his habitat. We made a point to notice that our baby’s spikes are bigger, her body/tail are longer, she’s greener, and so on. We aren’t in love with our iguana or anything…

So, that was it for the Reptile Ranch, and we headed off to the farm, re-capping our exotic critter experiences as we drove.

Yeah, yeah.... here's a new post.....

2005-04-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

Well, this is going to be kind of short, because I have had a lot going on, and I haven't yet figured out a way to share it. So, basically, there's the good and the bad....

YUCK: I put myself into AA, because my drinking binges have gotten out of hand.
YAY: I am at the top of a list for a new job with the city.
YUCK: I got depressed today and would love some form of escape-- in bottle form.
YAY: I'm currently taking part in an online AA meeting (as in, at the same time I'm posting this).

--Okay, that takes too much time to type...... like this guy in AA is doing. I'm on here because some of these folks take soooo long to type. I know not everyone can have lightening fingers like me, but come ON! (jk)

These meetings are in no way a replacement for face-to-face meetings, but when one has transportation issues such as I, what is one to do?

*sigh*

Couple of things before I go:

BIG HUGS TO CHASMYN, WITH HER NEW BUN IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!

This is by far the COOLEST quote I have heard in a long time:
Veni, vidi, velcro...... I came, I saw, I stuck around.

I'm going to live by that for a while.

Peace,
~Nia

Whatup, dawg? It's just aiit fo' me, dawg...

2005-03-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

Lalalalalalalalalala...............
*sigh* Hey, at least I'm consistent with blogging every OTHER month or so...

Aiit, here I am again, dawg ... Yes, I've been watching American Idol and my top 3 picks are Carrie, Bo, and Anwar. (if anyone cares)

Anyhoo, hur's the update: I may get a job with the city as an animal control officer. I have to take another test. When I had my interview, they said, "Um, are you applying for the supervisor position??" and I was like, "Um, no", so they were like, "[Dude, like] Why not?", and I was like, "I dunno" and they were like, "[Dude] You should" so I was like, "DUUUDE."

Gotta love that. I was really flattered when they were surprised that I was going for Officer I instead of supervisor. It's just that I don't have that almighty degree, that's all. But Vet-Tech is a 2 year program, so if I get into the Officer I position and they offer tuition reimbursement, we'll talk.

What else........ oh yeah, MJ and I had our FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! HOLLA!!!! It was sweet. We went out for a relaxed evening and watched a drag show, cooked dinner for each other, and then cooked dessert for each other (hehe). The year went by SO FAST! It's crazy. Everyone around us can't believe a year has gone by since MJ and I got back in touch and got together. It flew by for us too. No matter. It's ALL good!! :D We're ready for the next ones. And if there's another commitment ceremony at PRIDE this year, we'll renew!

-- MOVIE REVIEWS --
Okay, so you know I have to give my 3 cents on the latest thrillers:

The Grudge - Duuuuuuuuuuude!!! Freaky deaky. I sooooo love it when the Japanese do horror flicks. It's the awesome, weird, psychological, unrealistic, imaginative, junk I THRIVE on. Up there with The Ring, but that one's hard to beat. I'll tell you one thing, if any one of my friends calls me up and makes that noise in the phone, I better be wearing Depends.

SAW - Okay, this one deserves a WHOOOOOOOOOAAAA Duuuuuuuuuude!! A good ole' mystery/horror/thriller up there with SEVEN. This is one of those that if you haven't seen it, put your hands over your ears if people are talking about it, because the ending NEEDS to remain a surprise. YOU'LL need Depends for that one!! LOL Awesome flick.

Taking Lives - Ohhhhhhhh yeeeeeeeeah, nuthin' like a little Angeliiiiiiiina! Rowrrr!! Lookin' all hot and fine with--- oh, and the story was good too.... (heehee) Another one that was so confusing and surprising, that even my WIFE didn't see the ending coming! I consider that an accomplishment, since she doesn't miss a beat. :)

-- MOVIES I NEED TO SEE --
Hide and Seek (DVD)
The Pacifier (VIN -- need I say more?)
XXX with Ice Cube
THE RING 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YYYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I'm slightly enthused)
Star Wars, Episode III (um, DUH!!!)

Okay, I'm sure there are other goodies out there or are on the way, but I'm sleepy so I'm out for now.

PEACE
~Nia

Holiday Recap

2005-02-01T21:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I haven’t exactly been blogging…. Chasmyn will get me for that, I already know. Let’s see… what’s been going on since December? Um, I got neato things for Christmahanukwanzaayule this year, like a remote control Hummer, a pretty necklace, lots of food, and a ride through the Winter Wonderland by horse carriage. It was wonderful, even though I had to endure a few Scrooges along the way.

Then came New Year…

Well, I went to a holiday party on the 28th, and had a fabulous time. Okay, maybe I overindulged just a WEE bit, but who doesn’t? In the morning, I actually felt fine, most likely because I “got rid” of everything the night before. I got up to pee, and when I stood up, I got a head rush and felt all spinny. That’s the last thing I remember. Then I was on the floor in a pool of yuck and I though I saw blood. That’s when I went into hysterics thinking I was puking blood. I yelled for MJ, who turned on the light to see that I had successfully ripped my forehead and cheek to shreds on the way down to the floor. Apparently, I fainted upon getting up too fast, and totally racked my head on the way down.

ANYWAY, she took me to the ER, where they did a CT-scan (all negative, believe it or not—I know! I was surprised too!!), took blood (I was still over the legal limit—yikes) and stitched me up. This was the first time I have ever had stitches, and I was happy to get one of the best plastic surgeons in the hospital. He sutured me up painlessly, thank goodness. He was even gentle with the anesthetic. I got 5 dissolving sutures in the muscles on my cheekbone, then 5 more in the skin on top, and then I got 4 in my forehead. I really screwed myself up pretty well this time. It was better than the time I fell out the car! (yeah, I know)

So that was the most exciting thing I had happen to me over the holidays. I then looked like a prizefighter for about a month, and now everything is back to normal. –then again… what’s normal again?? Hmm……. ;-)

What exactly IS cud?? Ponder.

2004-12-17T23:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, okay, so it's been like 1 and 1/2 months since I updated. Well, I still felt like poo. There ya go. However, besides my wife helping make my life liveable, I have a re-surfaced interest that has me smiling for a change. I have an odd fancy for the clumsy, cud-chewing critters called COWS. I also found an awesome website on them that ....well, I'm just going to share whether you like it or not. .....rasberries..... :)

www.crazyforcows.com

YAY COWS!!!

(Yes, I'm fully aware that I'm simple)

The word for the day is: POO

2004-10-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Hi. So today was the 8 month anniversary of my relationship, and also my mother's birthday. Yesterday was the 4 month anniversary of my commitment ceremony. I am elated about all of those things, and I love my mother and my MJ dearly. I also love my job, although it is not as lucrative as I would like for it to be.

On the darker side of things, I'm losing it. I am mostly up, up and more up with my co-workers (if you can call them that), like I'm just always happy or something, mainly because I am happy when I'm there. I'm happy with most of my days, but I get caught in the "holes" of my emotions and uncontrollable mental state. I am really in the pit most of the time I'm alone. I actually even feel guilty for writing this stuff because I should have good news to report (which I already did), and cool, happy things to talk about. But I don't really give a crap right now, and I'm not afraid to say it. Just feel like venting for the heck of it. There ya go.

I was reading some blogs today and started to feel stupid. I am no poet, by any means, and I started to feel like many things I post about are so trivial, and start to sound (to me) like the Charlie Brown teacher: "Woh, wah, wo-wa, woh, woh, waaaaah." Now I know why I never update this thing.... because I only update when I feel positive. I only update when the moment strikes or something really cool happens.

Okay, so I started this thing when I was going through a horrible breakup, and reading back about that makes me cringe. But I didn't really have many outlets for my feelings, and I felt like "what the heck". Gee, you ask, so why are you updating now? Cuz I'm having one of those "crab session, don't give a crap" moments.

Oh well, so I'm rambling about ...... hmmm... really nothing. Screw it. I'm going to bed. *sigh*

Aww, POO.

THERE YA HAVE IT, FOLKS!! THANK YOU FOR JOINING THE PITY PARTY OF THE EVENING!! HOPE YOU ENJOY THE ROLLING OF YOUR EYES AND THE QUICK CLOSING OF YOUR BROWSERS!!! ---I'll be here all week... be sure to tip your servers.

2004-10-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

As I'm figuring out how these pics are done, here is one of my pud, Woody. He sleeps on my bed with me and has his own pillow. When I come home, he meows and it sounds like, "hello-ow". :-)

Okay, bear with me... I'm not sure how this picture thing works...

2004-09-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Hmm.... how to get rid of this one and put it back after I resize it...... hmm......

2004-09-10T21:43:00.000-07:00

Tortie thinks that Abby makes the best pillow!

Oh.... am I supposed to update 'dis?

2004-09-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I know.... I never update. I stink of poo. --okay, not REALLY, but it just sounded like a funny thing that Chasmyn would say. :) I miss her. Oh yeah, she might be reading this... "I MISS YOU GURL!!" 'Dat's mah sistah! :D

Anyhoo, I have been in and out of the hospital, going to visitations and funerals, laid up in the bed (DEFINITELY no excuse for not posting a self-pity note on the blog during that time) and –oh yeah: I GOT ANOTHER IGUANA!! Okay, see, that’s the cool thing I can blog about. First of all, I had to put my little baby, Stuey, to sleep about 1 ½ months ago because we found tumors in his abdomen and he was getting soooo sick. :( But now he’s up there with the iggy-goddesses and he’s all good and pain free.

So, here we were, the wife and I, going to the pet store to get bird food n’ such, and we stop by an exotic reptile place to just take a look-see. We saw an information sheet on iguana adoption, and I just asked if they had any for adoption (you know, to continue the look-seeing). Well, wouldn’t you know that they had one in the back and immediately brought it out for me. OMG!!! This was one big beefy green, teal, orange & brown baby boy! I haven’t measured him yet, but his body sits the length of my forearm. He apparently was dropped off at the pet store by some guy who claims to have found him in the yard and doesn’t want him and couldn’t take him to the vet. See, the iggy had a HUGE abscess on his right eyelid (icky!) that had to be lanced and drained. It was about the size of a bean. Poor baby. Besides looking beautiful yet pitiful, this little dragon just took to MJ and I like we had him for years. As if he had known that Stuey’s favorite spot to sit was on my head, this new lizard just crawled on up there and made himself comfortable! Oh my goodness, he was so cute!!

At any rate, MJ talked me out of making an emotional decision right then, and said that we need to consult with the vets before committing to an eye problem that could get costly for two broke bee-hotches. So we called around and found the best plan for the budget, and we went back and got da baby! We named him L.A. (for Lucky Azz), took him to the vet who cleaned up his eye, and he’s downstairs in his lair, asleep as I type! :) Hee hee!! I’m psyched. I mean, not only do I know that my purpose is to care for and protect critters, but my heart just does a leap when I feel like a make a difference in another little critter-life. L.A. is a beautiful dragon who was living in a Rubbermaid container last week, and who knows where on earth he was living before that. He seems very content and happy now, and there has been no swatting of the tail or snapping of the jaws. He’s awesome. We love him so much. * sigh *

So there’s my new little happy-story. Keep your fingers crossed for me on the 16th, since I have to go back into the doc’s office to find out if I need to be laid up any more –meaning, he’ll let me know if I need to have surgery or not. Eek!!

At some point, I’ll figure out how to put pictures up on hur…… hey Chasmyn, how you do ‘dat? :D

Goin' to the PRIDEfest and we're.... gonna get maaaaaaaaried!!!

2004-06-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

You got it, I'm gonna be a married woman LATER TODAY, the first day of St. Louis Gay PRIDEfest. There is a mass commitment ceremony taking place and M and I are in it!! Whoo, it feels like Christmas! I hope I can sleep tonight. I have been pretty relaxed and everything about it so far....... uh, until today. (major giggles) I'm so psyched!! It's kind of hitting me now, in a happy way, mind you, not nervous at all. I'm totally excited. Excited about giving everyone flowers (our little group of 4 buds), excited of declaring my love for the woman of my life, excited about PRIDEfest in general, and just plain......... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so it's been a little while since I blogged..... Yes, Chasmyn, you may smack my hand------ oh wait, you're in SEATTLE!!! Heh heh! By the way, YAY for you and Hub, too!! Holler! (Oh yeah, I suppose I could put this on YOUR blog, huh...) ;)

Anyhoo, I'm fading, so I need to get in the bed. Okay, so I may not actually SLEEP yet, but I do need to try to rest so I can go scoop up my woman and get to the park early.

Hee!! Happy noises!!! :D

(About dern time, eh?) :)

I JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-04-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

I never thought it would happen to me but it did.

You've read it before: I thought that love sucked for me. I thought it was the stupidest idea in the world. In the famous words of SEAL, "Life is hard in a whirlpool. Especially when you think you've gone insane, and all you get from love is lots of pain. I should have known better." I always told myself that I should have known better not to let the guard down, and not to give so much of myself. Wow!! I even swore that I was destined for a life of solitude, not necessarily in a bad way, because I would do things that I enjoy and I would still have my friends. But there was always something that told me that I would never find what other people around me found. And now I have. :)

I am still shaking, I am still stuttering, and M and I keep looking at each other saying, "We REALLY did that, didn't we?!!" I actually have a fiancee. I am actually going to be a WIFE!! I am actually going to HAVE a wife!! HOLY SH*T!!! :D

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have literally finally found the love of my life. Now I see what people mean when they say that. I have just never known it until now. I thank goddess that I do, and thank goddess for M. :) I can actually smile again, and I can actually love again. Never thought it possible. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace,
Nia

SLEEPY

2004-04-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I was gonna blog tonight, but it may have to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm so sleepy I'll end up rambling about sweat socks or pomegranates (sp?). More later.

Peace,
Nia

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAK!!!

2004-04-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I'm in trouble. Scold away. Sorry about that, y'all. I have been in the world of corporate slavery and it's getting to me so bad that I tend to come home and go directly to bed, get up at 10 or so, eat, and go back to bed. I have been on this 'puter maybe 5 times since my last post, and that was to record my time-card or do a quick email check.

Anyhoo, I'm back, and I'm bloggin'! :)

Where was I before?.......... Ah yes, Mardi Gras shenanigans. That was awesome! So much has happened since then. Okay, maybe not the corporate slavery part *blech*. Still waiting for my horse trainer to get back in town so I can get back into my element. I'm freakin' out, too!! I'm suffering from major equine-withdrawal!! Gotta hang in there for now, tho.

On the up-side, (and Miss Chasmyn already knows this) I have been re-united with a grade school friend from TWENTY years ago! Dear Chasmyn was responsible for this meeting, and a whole new relationship has blossomed. MJ is adorable and OUT, and not only do we sit up all night with the yearbooks from grade school and act like total goofs together, we have discovered a wonderful chemistry. So I have been spending quite a bit of time with her, and allowing myself to feel again. Allowing myself to love again. It's a gradual process, and I still have to do some "spring cleaning", if you will, with the ol' emotional baggage, but it's a good thing that we've found. I see potential, and I feel so much warmth, friendship, comfort and intimacy on many levels. It's a bit scary, but in a good way. I'm not running away, and neither is she. She has a lot of patience with my broken-azz, and I appreciate that so much. We're taking the relationship at a good pace, and constantly communicating. *smile/sigh* So, I'll keep ya updated on that one!!

YAY, FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS!! HOLLER!!

I actually think I'm gonna make it. :)

Mo' later.

PEACE
~Nia

My First Mardi Gras

2004-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

Wow, that really kicked some serious azz in the party realm that I have never experienced in my life!! I had no idea what I was in for!! After being in the "industry", I have no fear of flashing my ta-ta's, so I collected a good 3-5 pounds of beads. I kid you not! I took those suckers off and draped them on my knee-- then tried to lift my knee! It was hilarious.

First, my ol' buddy E and I went out for the first time in like 6-7 years on Friday, had a GREAT time, and we're doing it again this Friday too! Holler!! We adopted a bartender who likes to keep the glasses full. GOTTA LOVE IT!!! So we tanked ourselves nicely and I got up Saturday and did it all over again.....

Not only did I score big time on the beads, but I got --get ready for this-- I got a COAT!! Unbelievable! Okay, so I'm standing there in my T-shirt since I was running around at 2pm when it wasn't cold yet, so I took my windbreaker off and tied it around my waist. Well, some guy comes up to me and says that I look cold, and he's tired of carrying around his jacket. I looked so dumbfounded at him, and asked where he would be so I could give it back when I went inside somewhere. He insisted that I keep it, so after I thoroughly checked the lining and pockets for illegal contraband, I grinned, said thank you, and went on my merry way! It's a heavy pleather, looking and feeling seriously close to real leather, double breasted, with a very warm fleece lining. Wow, who woulda thunk it....

What else........ oh, yeah, got desperately in need of a bathroom, so when the porta potties were packed, I got innovative and (yes, I really did this) had my friends surround me while I peed in an empty cup!! And folks, I was still pretty sober at this point, so you know I had to go BAAAAAAAAD! It was crazy out there, so people had to resort to desperate measures. I think I was pretty skilled, since I don't have the "hose" that you men out there are blessed with when you need to conveniently pee ANYWHERE. (sheesh! Only reason I sometimes wish I had one!) Peed in some guy's yard too........ (giggle)

Also met the cutest girl I've seen since my former g-friend, and she remembered meeting me briefly on Thursday when I gave her a flower. (Okay, background: another girl's girlfriend gave me a rose when her g-friend went to the other side of the bar. Not cool at all, but hey, I got the rose and sent her on her merry-rude-azz way). Anyway, so I wanted to give it to someone, and this adorable girl who danced with me was most deserving. So when I saw her at Mardi Gras on Saturday, she actually remembered me and reminded me that she still had the rose! You know, I still may be injured after M's rejection, but it sure is nice to be acknowledged by a cute girl who I'm attracted to. I got cute kisses from her too! I'm fine with keeping it there for now, since I'm still so in the "vault", but little by little it just feels nice. I may have been rejected but I don't have to keep feeling socially worthless. So D is really nice, and hopefully I'll have more stories about her soon. She's a bit young (I don't' know exactly how young, and I'm afraid to ask), but she is legal, and she seems pretty level and secure with herself. Obviously, I'm not looking for a future here, just a nice little casual dating experience or just hanging out. I hung out with her just sitting around her apartment with her friend Tiffany, listening to music and laughing and eating McDonalds. It was great! That's exactly what I need. Then a tiny kiss from her soft lips at the end of the night.... perfect. I don't need any more than that right now to set me on a tiny little cloud-- since it's been so long since I've even known clouds.

So maybe there's hope............. :)

Well, I'm out, gotta go back to bed. Working the 6am to 6pm shift tomorrow. UGH. Feel sorry for me now. :P

Peace.

Poo.

2004-02-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

Happy unimaginative, consumerist-oriented, and entirely arbitrary, manipulative & shallow interpretation of romance day

That's all I have to say for Saturday, and I must give thanks to Chasmyn, for finding those true true words.

Okay, so here is my little update: I need a new therapist, I need to up my medication, having more panic attacks, hate going through life (not life itself, mind you, just the sh*&t it's throwing right now), depressed 24/7, cry at everything, either eat everything in sight or don't eat at all, feel worthless, and...... hmm..... let's see, was there anything else? .......oh yeah, and my bank balance is $1.87.

Yeah, well, that's what this whole blog-thing is for, right? Who else am I going to tell this crap to? Any live person would ask if I need any help shopping for the hats, horns, and streamers to get ready for my pity party. Far from the point of my venting, of course, which is why I write/type instead of speak my issues.

I don't have anything happy to talk about right now, so I'm going to stop talking.

Peace.

American Idol --yes, it's a guilty pleasure...

2004-02-11T22:15:00.000-08:00

You know, I have to pick at least one show every season that will cause hives and hyperventilation if I can't watch it. I know, I'm a freak. I'm not a huge TV watcher at all, so I just have to pick one. I'm only a true veg when I have cable and can totally zone out to Animal Planet and TLC. If they had a package where I could only purchase the geek channels, I would SO do it! I usually just watch a bunch of DVD's that I have (over and over and over...) when I feel like turning on the tube. Network channels make me itch most of the time. --Ok, I'm lying to you: I like ER and Will & Grace, but that's it. :)

So anyway, yes, my guilty pleasure this season is, of course (although many of you out there are gagging --it will be okay, I promise. Just breathe) American Idol. I have watched it from the beginning, and I have become so involved that I have actually (not sure that I should be admitting this) kept notes on the contestants in the finals and compared my picks to the end results. And of course, you know I have to acknowledge that us "family" folks have a contestant that is totally REPRESENTIN'!! Yes, I'm referring to the gorgeous, talented, and truly REAL, Briana Ramirez-Rial! I will be counting the hours until next Tuesday when we get to see her perform. Holler!!

Okay, but my pick from this first round of finals was totally Diana DeGarmo. I think the girl has that round wrapped around her little finger, and she is going to give the folks from the other group a ton of competition. She is cute, expressive, and that VOICE!! I never thought that voice would come out of that li'l bit! She totally has my support as well. Everybody is talking about Fantasia, but I personally was not crazy about her voice. I think she has talent and gobs of personality, but the sound of her voice is just not appealing to me at all. 'Dat's just my opinion.

Ok, now that I've started this expression about what I watch, I have to share my weird side: I'm a total sucker for sci-fi, paranormal horror, and action (okay, so you already know about the delightfully-unrealistic-action-eye-candy movies). Why am I talking about this? Cuz, um, this is my blog, and I can say whatever I wanna. Whoo, that's refreshing!! (I'm getting into this now)

Anyway, my current favorites that I can't get enough of lately are: The Fifth Element, The Ring, Signs, The Mummy & Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, Gladiator, XXX, and, saving the best for last, the ENTIRE Alien quadrilogy. The Alien series is by far my favorite set of movies of all time. Like I said, I know I'm a freak. But I don't care. I love the stuff! :D I am very picky about drama movies because I'm a horrible sap and cry at everything. Here's a good example (not really fair because I have been so depressed lately, but it's still kind of funny) of how easy I am: In Legally Blonde-II, when Elle was at the Lincoln Memorial and her friends came up with the snap cap and told her there was "extra fuzz", I lost it. Pitiful, eh? Yeah, pitiful but laughable. Now, mind you, I have teared up at very legitimate dramas like Philadelphia, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, What Dreams May Come, Rain Man, and A.I., but you never know when a kitten will walk across the scene and I'm history. Okay, just kidding, maybe not that bad.... sometimes. :P

Okay, enough for tonight, I'm rambling. I suppose that's a good sign so I can get used to this blog-thing. Oh, and by the way, in case anyone didn't catch the line at the top of my blog, it's from one of my favorite war movies, Full Metal Jacket (scene: Private Pyle, in the head (bathroom) with his rifle, right before he blew his head off). *sigh* I'm spent. Goin to bed.

Peace.

Guess it's been long enough...

2004-02-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

Hey there, I'm still alive, just new at this whole blog thing. I haven't kept even a regular diary in decades, so you can imagine how diligent I am about this (NOT!) :P

Anyway, let's see.... what's happened since my last blog..... okay, well, I'm still depressed and very much in the space of "f*&% Valentine's Day". Yeah, I'm a little depressed, a little sad, a little bitter, and a little bruised. One day I'll get over myself and move on, but until then, oh well, everyone gets to choose for themselves to be in this space sometimes.

I went to see the movie "Torque" last week and it rocks, in my opinion. Then again, I am a BIG sucker for delightfully unrealistic stunts, regardless of the lack of acting/story. I'm all about the eye candy!! (So I'm sure you can guess that one of my favorites is XXX. Oh yeeeeeeeah!!!) Okay, so on the upside of my life, it was a good time enjoying the nonsense and adrenaline for a couple of hours. All I gotta say is..... I HAVE TO HAVE ONE!!! (yes, that's the kid in me talking) And see, my objective for wanting a bike doesn't have anything to do with speed, since I have no desire to wipe the road with myself. They just look incredibly cool and it give a different "on the edge" feeling while using one of them for transportation, much different than actually being INSIDE the vehicle. Wow, being on a bike is just a great feeling, I can't explain it, but those bikers out there know what I'm talking about. ..... so um... there, one of my little immature desires... :P

So there's the topic of the day kids. Enjoy.

Peace.

Another day...

2004-01-29T22:29:00.000-08:00

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

Who said that, anyway? It is just so true, I can't stand it. Like, it doesn't make the pain any lighter, but to use that as a mantra when I'm in the midst of trauma just helps me hang on. *sigh* I know I have been through worse, and I know other folks have been through worse, and we all know that pain affects everyone differently, but it always feels the worst when you're right in the middle of it, no matter what's going on. Yes, yes, I'll stop rambling about my woes once I experience something else to take my mind off of it. But it just hurts. Sorry ya'll. You know how it is. It just plain hurts.

'Nuff for today.

Peace.

Blah.

2004-01-28T22:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, I guess here is my first "real" post. No trivial introduction, no more "Is this thing on??". Just me, blabbering about my nonsense, typing as if I were running off at the mouth about all my grief. That's what this is all for, right? *sigh* Oh well. Who cares.....

I am in a pit of sadness and depression as I'm going through a breakup. Actually, the breakup has occurred already, but now I'm draining (tears) and making my best attempt at healing. I'm in the "I'm a fool" stage right now. I feel like a fool for being lovesick and p*ssy-whipped. I feel helpless because I couldn't help her. I couldn't be the one to help her work through everything she's going through. See, (hey everyone, look at the fool again) she was already fresh out of a relationship (warning, warning), like maybe 6 months out, barely. I should have known from the start. I know how I feel right out of a long term relationship, and I know how I had to get back in touch with myself first, before I could contribute to another one. But I didn't listen. I heard words of possibility, that she and I could actually work. And it did, for 5 months (no, not a long time, but we get points for tryin'). The saddest part of this whole thing, is that we're not mad at eachother. There's no animosity, nobody cheated, nobody cussed anyone out. It's all about a woman taking care of herself first, and honey, I can TOTALLY understand that. So I am totally backing her up on that, and totally agree with her. But that doesn't make the pain go away. How hard would it be for us to turn around and be like, "Hey buddy, what's up??" (slap on the arm, and the greeting-grin on the face with head tilted to the side). It's been more like, (without verbalizing) "Hey, let's go get naked!". Don't get me wrong, there's been more to it than sex, but it's the romantic involvement that has to back off, not the friendship. But I have to take some time to repair until I can be a good friend, without having the same fuzzy feelings rush to the front of my head (no matter how hard I try to pack them away) every time I see her. *sigh*

Well, how's the old saying go? If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, they're yours forever, and if they don't, it was never meant to be, and then you drink yourself into oblivion, right? Just kidding. I'm not going to do that, although a couple of my friends have tried to encourage that. I have only gone out once and drank a couple beers, just enough to numb things for maybe only an hour. It's actually just distraction. Even if I go out and don't drink, it's all just momentary distraction. And then, crap, it doesn't matter who I try to get a conversation going with, they all want one thing. *sigh* What is up with that? Nobody wants to just hang out in a bar anymore? And I thought men were bad about that stuff! (um, yes I dated men for a long time, since everyone told me that was what I was supposed to do..... then I woke up) But I'm free now, I busted out the closet a while ago, after a year or so of peeking out of it. Thank goodness!! Now I see what I have been living without all these years! (yeah, oooh, aahh, lots of lovin' and then you still get to look like an idiot.... nice!) I know it doesn't matter when it comes to relationship structure, men or women, people are people. But the camaraderie and the understanding between women is nothing that men can touch.

ANYWAY, so I'm in no place to get hit on and accept it, I'm single but not available, and I guess I'll just sit in my house and cry until I can snap out of it, pull my head out of my ass and realize there is a world out there. *sigh again* It just plain hurts. Ow. I love her so much, but if a friend she needs, a friend she's got. I wouldn't abandon that for anything. You fellow females out there know what that's worth.

Okay, so on the other side of things, I will find some outlets in going back to horse training in Feb., and going to St. Louis Blues hockey practice, meeting my favorite players, etc. I also got recruited to come check out the St. Louis Sabres women's rugby team, and when I don't know the first thing about rugby, maybe a good ass whoopin is just what I need. :P Hey, might be fun. I'll re-discover the whole "fun" concept sometime soon.
Well, that's enough for tonight, I think. I'm gonna surf and read my favorite new blog, "SistersTalk". Finally, yay for a porn-free lesbo site!!! Holler!!

Nite y'all. Peace.

HEEEEEEEEEERE'S ME!!!

2004-01-26T23:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it took me long enough, I know. I'm Nia and this is my first blog ever. I'm sure everyone already knows Chasmyn, one of my oldest and bestest friends. Yes, she made me do all of this, and I actually am starting to like it. It was kind of a pain in the beginning, but my brain cells are churning and I think I'm catching on. *sweat* jk :-)
So.............. what about me? Born and raised in the Midwest but lived on both coasts (so I'm cultured-like), and I'm kind of a boomerang child, if you will, because I keep coming back! My life work is in animal care, with emphasis in horse training, dog training & grooming, and reptile rescue and rehabilitation. I also have a knack for singing and dancing, but we'll just keep those as goof-off-time hobbies. Gotta cut loose somehow, right? ;) Anyway, like everyone, life has thrown me some curves lately and I got in kind of a funk, so this seems to be a good outlet. Hope y'all enjoy mah li'l stories n' snippets n' such. (heehee) More later. Peace.

since she don't make no entries in her blog...

2004-01-26T22:30:00.000-08:00

Since Nia is a huge animal lover, I thought she would thoroughly enjoy this. All I can say is I want one.

(via Kensho Godchaser)

posted by Chasmyn

introducing, the grand and fabulous Nia!!! < applause >

2004-01-23T00:30:00.000-08:00

This is Chasmyn, guest Blogging for Nia in her first post here. I helped convert her to blogging, and I am so tired! I'm trying to get this photo thingy working on my little blog, and I am so so sleepy. But. I. Must. Finish. Before. Bed.

I hope you enjoy Nia as much as I do. She cracks me up endlessly.

Fun fact: Nia and I have been friends since we were 7 years old. Yep, we met in Mrs. Turner's second grade class and have been friends ever since. She is older than me, too. By almost two whole months. Almost. She is SO old. I'm young. I'm like the baby and she is like the grandmother. Heh.

Love,
Chasmyn

2004-01-22T21:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, here's another post. Where are these things supposed to show up? It's not like I actually know what I'm doing......
Um.... help? (like anyone in the universe is going to hear my type-thoughts)

2004-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hi.
Here I am.
This is me.
My blog this shall be.

Um.... later.